I got a new calling. I am very excited about it, mainly because it involves people my own age and getting to be involved in spiritual discussions again. (You know, the kind that don't involve the sentence, Do you have to go to the bathroom?) So after two and a half years as the Nursery Coordinator, they have now switched me over to be the Relief Society Secretary. I am not even sure how Relief Society works anymore, but if it is at all what it used to be, I will quickly pick it up again. My main problem is spelling secretary. I always add an extra 'T' which makes it secretarty. (I guess that fits my personality better. I've always been a little tart. Wait, that doesn't sound right. Moving right along.)
Tonight I had some training which is boring in itself and not really what this post is about. See, this post is about Tyler trying to kill my children while I am away. He so generously offered to take the five snuggets off my hands, so I could actually hear what the Stake Relief Society Secretary had to say, and I assumed this meant that they would do some innocent/safe family activity. If only. The original plan was to go to the park, but what with the fabulous thunderstorms we have been having, plans had changed.
Instead, Tyler took them to the Bean Museum. I know it sounds harmless enough, but I have proof. In fact, Tyler took the pictures that I will be showing the judge when I sue for full custody. Let's start off with this little gem:
Tyler was downloading pictures when I spotted that picture on the computer. My first thought was, Oh how funny, they went to the gift shop and Tyler put that fake Tarantula on Pearl. Then as he flipped through the pictures, I saw that the position of the spider changed. And being that it was the Bean Museum and they have regular animal shows, it didn't take a genius to put two and two together.
I about screamed! This man who seems rational put a LIVE TARANTULA on my BABY! Granted, she was asleep, but that doesn't stop the thing from possibly eating her alive. There are so many things wrong about that picture.
Okay, I know Tarantula's are normally very docile creatures unless provoked. But come on. On my baby? I can understand these twits getting involved, although I thought I had taught them better than this.
How many times do I have to tell them NOT to touch spiders? Robyn and Ivory are even smiling. What is wrong with these children? Daisy was the only one who seems to have heard anything I said. (Which is rather ironic, since it is Daisy after all.) Dad says that she wouldn't touch it. (Good girl.) I don't think this face is related at all, but this is what my face would look like if someone asked me to hold that Tarantula.
I still shudder even thinking about it. I pride myself on smashing spiders that dare to come within five feet of my baby. I don't like doing it, but this mother has to protect her cubs. And then Tyler goes and puts a enormous spider inches away from her face. I don't know about Pearl, but I am scarred for life. Tyler is probably glad I stayed home, because you know I would have ruined all the fun had I been there.
And truthfully, I shouldn't make such a big deal about it, because the girls love to tease me and I had all these pretend spiders (their hands) walking up my back and arms when they got home. Joyous, I tell you.
Moral of the story: Do not allow your husband to take the children without supervision. I am going to have to make a waiver for him to sign before he leaves with the brood again.
It will read, I will not take my children into any situations that may be life threatening or deemed such by my wife (i.e. skydiving, freeway crossing, streaking, letting huge Tarantulas crawl on them, etc.) Wait, Daisy does the streaking thing weekly in the neighborhood. I guess I will have to revise it.
p.s. Check out how cool this snake is.
No, I am not a hypocrite. Snakes are cool. Spiders are not.
Oh, and this picture is just funny.
*No children were harmed in the making of this post. Wife is still debating what to do to husband.
First off: Holy smokes, your girls' names are beautiful! THEY are beautiful, too. :)
ReplyDeleteNext, I think I would rather lick a snake than touch a taranchala. I have no idea how to spell that.
I took my kids to the Bean Museum with Emily and her girls when we were all there in Provo in June! Luckily we didn't run into any taranchulas. Still don't know how to spell it.
Mark and I have been to the Bean Museum when they brought out the tarantula...I would not touch that thing for the world. I wouldn't hold the snake either - don't like snakes or spiders.
ReplyDeleteNext time Tyler has a father-child night outing he should call Mark - I would love for him to take the boys off my hands for a bit! Not only that, but he'd probably love to spend some time with Tyler doing daddy things. He has taken the boys before and gone to the Bean Museum - they had a great time! It makes a great cheap datenight also!
Can't believe Tyler put that thing on the baby...ewww! (I shudder at the thought of tarantulas!)
Looking over your blogroll. How do you know Rynell Lewis? She and I were friends in high school - in the same ward in MA.
ReplyDeleteSpider on baby = big eeeeww from me. It gave me the shivers looking at it. I would rather hold the snake then get within ten feet of a big hairy spider. By the way Ivory came over and showed us her new shirt yesterday. Mackenzie invited her in to play but she said she just wanted to show Mackenzie her shirt and ran off.
ReplyDeleteAwesome. It was freaking awesome! Kids were diggin' the snake, but the spider...there are no words. Freaky little legs climbing across their hands, chortling with delight.
ReplyDeleteAh to be a great dad. You people see how hard I have to work to counter-act this bubble (/shell/wall/prison/etc) that Maleen's constructing around the kids! They're lucky I'm around.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Sometimes I wonder if you are really our daughter. Both Dad and I LIKE spiders - and playing with a tarantula wouldn't bother us at all. How two people who don't mind spiders could end up with three children who are paranoid about them is beyond me. I guess it must skip a generation.
ReplyDeleteThat picture freaks me out just looking at it!! I would be sickened by the thought. But your post reminds me so much of my husband I had to laugh. Even his comment is exactly what Jeremy would say. One time in the spring while I was gone, he was moving our fountain and found a mouse nest. He caught one of the mice and started throwing it and catching it until it was dizzy and out of sorts and gave it to my 2 year old to play with it. He took lovely pictures of my sweet Brielle holiding it by the tail with a big smile on her face. They are filthy rodents with diseases! I was mortified and completely grossed out. Husbands.
ReplyDeleteI would have freaked out! Both about the spiders and the snakes! No way!!! Luckily Shawn hates spiders and snakes as much if not more then I do and Addi started crying when a fly landed on her yesterday. I think I am safe! :-)
ReplyDeleteThat first picture made me shudder, too. It does seem like the spider thing must skip a generation because your kids sure seemed fine with it. On the bright side, you and your grandchildren will be able to spend lots of quality time on spider free outings!
ReplyDeletep.s. You'll do great in your new calling!
oh my goodness! I just about screamed when I saw the first picture! Crazy.
ReplyDeleteSo much has changed since I left the ward... Bryan and I actually got called to the nursery in our new ward. :) It's pretty exciting with a 3 month old to have us both in there. You'll be an awesome Relief Society Secretary (even if you can't spell it. :))
Spiders- K.O.
ReplyDeleteSnakes- Right on!
Spiders on babies- Hire an exterminator.
**shudder**
ReplyDeleteew ew ew
I agree! I HATE spiders, snakes are cool. I am not entirely sure how Brent would make out if he stuck one of those huge ugly things on any of my children...
ReplyDelete