Quirky Quips

I can't believe how long it goes between writing these. We have quite a few saved up. Enjoy these funny things that we say around here.

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A few days earlier Dad had given Ivory a lesson on when you lie, lay, or had laid on your bed. Now he was seeing if she remembered.

Dad: What do you say when you crawl onto your bed?
Ivory: Good night?
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June had a BAD sunburn.

June: If I scratch it a little bit, it won't hurt but the itchiness will be abduced. (reduced?)
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Ivory: I can feel them moving around.
Robyn: Your spacers?
June (at the same time): Your kidneys?
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Robyn is packing for Clear Creek. She is testing her water bottle.

Robyn: You know the papers we have in there? What if the water bottle makes humiliation? (ha ha...condensation.)
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Daisy wanted more of a side dish we call Orange Dream.

Daisy: Since I only had one, when we get home, can I have another helpful?
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We were looking at the seasons.

Pearl: Here's Summer, Fall, and Spring. And Christmas!
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Talking about ranks of royalty.

June: First King and Queen. Prince and Princess. Duke and Duchess. Priest and Priestess. Damsel...?
Ivory: Damsel and Distress.
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Talking about being modest when other people are at our house.

Daisy: Does this count as modest? My blanket on my shoulders?
June: You have to be modest without a blanket.
Robyn: Well, I have a robe.
Ivory: Everyone has to be modest without something on them!!
Daisy and Robyn: How do you do that??
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Ivory: Today was a somewhat produce-ive day.
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Robyn and I were driving by an apartment complex that had been under construction for a decade.

Robyn: Mom, do you ever think I will apart there?

Apart (v.) To live in an apartment.
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Robyn: Will Jami have a lot of contraptions when she has the baby?
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Ivory: I can't bite down very well because my two carnivore teeth hit. What are those teeth called?
Mom: Canine teeth.
Ivory: Oh, that's right. I like carnivore teeth more.
Mom: Me too.
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The kids were talking about who gets the last candy cane.

Daisy (to June): You already had a cand ycane! You can't have another or you'll be....
Pearl: Executed!
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Ivory was looking at a steep, rocky, cliff.

Ivory: I never want to climb that cliff. It looks diable.
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Tyler took the kids camping. They were waiting for water to boil for apple cider.

Ivory: Is it ready yet? Is it ready yet?
Dad: You know what I love about camping? It teaches you patience.
Ivory: Hmmm. Is it ready yet?
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June and I were making dinner. We were dipping chicken strips in oil and it was running out.

June: Matrimony the oil.
Mom: That is not the right word.
June: What does matrimony mean?
Mom: Marriage. Marriage the oil. Now, what was the word you were looking for?
June: Maximize!
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Dad: I left my phone at work.
Daisy: How did you get home??
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It was dinnertime. Ivory was trying to talk, but it was unintelligible. When she finally cleared her mouth, she said,

Ivory: I was trying to say, 'Don't talk with your mouth full.'
Dad was trying to move reports to Pearl.
Ivory: I'm not done reporting. I'm just finishing my mouth.
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Talking about Ivory's bloody noses.

Robyn: She shouldn't get it cod-swalloped. (cauterized)
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Pearl drew a mustache on her face with marker.

June: I think it's really funny that the mustache comes out of her nose.
Robyn: That's how all mustaches are. Your nose hairs get really long and make a mustache.
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Mom: How many pepperonis have you had?
Pearl: Two armfuls.
Mom: You can have three more.
Pearl: Three armfuls??
Mom: No, three pepperonis.
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Pearl: Is that Dad's bagel that is on the steve? (stove)
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Ivory: I just saw a bad word.
Mom: In the fridge?
Ivory: In the fridge.

She opens the fridge and points to the butter tub where it reads 0mg (zero milligrams). Ivory thought it meant OMG!
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That was quite a few and I didn't even catch up. But that means there will be more funny in the future for you. Hope you enjoyed the funny things I hear around my house.