Monday, November 17, 2008

Everyone Needs a Good Cry Once in a While

Mine was today.

I didn't think it was going to be a crying day. There was no indication (besides the fact that it was Monday, and Mondays can go either way). Nope, I was just jumping into the day as usual. I got kid number one off to school and then packed up two, three, and four to go to the doctor's for a check-up. Daisy is officially four months old now (I know, where has the time gone?). She is doing very well, except she didn't really gain as much weight as I would have liked. I know my children run small, but I still like to see them keep a steady upward trend on the chart and this time she kinda dipped down. I wouldn't be so worried except that I had problems when I had Robyn. I think my milk gave out early, because Robyn didn't gain ANY weight between 4 and 6 months (not normal for babies). So, I am a bit paranoid about keeping my babies fed. I swear my milk is non-fat to begin with because my babies don't chunk up like they should, but it is even worse when there isn't quite enough and I feel like I am slowly starving my child. So that news settled on me like a baby beluga. The doctor had some suggestions; she said to try More Milk Plus and it should help the quantity I produce. So I left thinking I would find some at my earliest convenience.

I staggered outside doing the lumber a mom does when she is carrying a carseat, holding the hand of a two year old, balancing her purse and trying to keep child number three reasonably close. There was a huge brown UPS truck parked next to the sidewalk, right by the crossing area. I realized that you couldn't really see around to tell if cars were coming, so I cautioned Robyn to stay very close as I tried to peek around.

I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am that I thought to take caution and that Robyn obeyed so well. Only seconds later, a lady came tearing through the small intersection. She took the corner sharply and sped away into the parking lot. I don't think she ever even saw us. She was probably intent on an open parking spot close by so she could save herself two minutes walking.

Furious would not be an adequate word for how I felt. I stopped to make sure all children were still accounted for and thanked my lucky stars that I was still walking towards my car instead of carrying Robyn back into the hospital (our doctor's office is part of a hospital). I would have tracked down this lady just to yell at her, but I couldn't see where she had parked and I was still carrying the carseat and holding Ivory's hand. So instead I just fumed inside.

Adrenaline doesn't wear off as fast as I would like. I got home with plenty in my system and then I made the mistake of calling Tyler. I think I wanted to tell him about this lady, and I wanted to ask if he was coming home for lunch so I could run over and get some lactation medicine. Instead, all my emotions bubbled up inside; adrenaline and a baby beluga don't go well together. They tend to just burst out through the eyes. I wasn't on the phone for more than a few moments before I regretted my decision to call because I didn't want to cry on the phone.

Try convincing your husband in a voice verging on hysteria and tears that nothing is wrong.
Yeah, he didn't buy it, and he came home despite my pleas to the contrary. It was nice to get a good hug though, and have a nice cry (most of which happened before he got home). He even let me run over to the store and purchase this medicine

(although I wish I had gotten the capsule kind, because I ended up with the liquid that tastes like I am eating thistles with a drizzle of honey on top—not the tastiest stuff, but whatever).

Not the most tragic day by far, but apparently I have been bottling up some tears that needed a release. And I'm not really complaining. I'll take crying over my kids NOT being hit by a car any day over the alternative.


deckerfam said...

You gotta love days like that! I had a similar problem with Andy I just didn't produce enough so I had to supplement with formula from day one. I dried up after two months and the guilt hit. But after a few weeks of him just on formula and being just as healthy i finally felt better. Also thank goodness for target brand formula it is almost half the price of the other stuff.

Melanie said...

Sorry about your rotten day! With each child, my milk ran dry earlier and earlier. With #3 and #4, it was completely gone by 4 months, and with baby #5, it was completely gone by one month, despite much effort to kickstart it.

I think for whatever reason, my hormone to make the milk was deficient. With Brielle, I knew from the start that I didn't have enough milk for her (and she was a big baby), so I was supplementing by week 2 with formula. She was so much happier with food in her belly and slept better. I had guilt for supplementing and guilt for having my baby be so hungry. Mommyhood is fraught with guilt. Ugh.

meganmushrat said...

Well, I am not going to get on MY soapbox about what happened to me with breastfeeding - you've heard it all before. It was a teary day for me too, but with good reason as I was attending a funeral mass for my co-worker's husband. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so leaky, but the least bit of emotion, and the floods come. But you can cheer up because the day is over! Tomorrow is bound to be better.

Rynell said...

I know what you mean...I am already struggling with growth issues with my youngest. I am taking a similar herbal Lactation preparation and having to supplement with formula. It is frustrating. I hope things improve for you!

I loved the line that Mondays can go either way... they really can.

Sunny said...

Here's an online hug! I'm sorry it was a hard day.

Kayla said...

I have totally had those good cry days! They are so necessary sometimes. And I do the same thing you do...try to be strong until I talk to my parents or roommates or someone and then it all comes rushing out at once. I'm glad that you are all ok and hope you feel much better now after your cry! I'm sorry you had such a rough day! =D

Cindy B said...

hey, mommies are entitled to a good cry now and then too. Although after reading your other post, the puking on the sweater is what would have pushed me over the edge!

erin said...

i have a running dialog in my mind right now - what i wish you could have said to that lady...i am sorry for the scare, but it will remind me to be more careful with elizabeth. also - where did you get the supplement...i need to help my milk. poor brennan, he is waking up 2 and 3 times a night because he is soooo hungry!