Book-Of-Mormon-Athon

I'm posting early on Saturday morning so Maleen doesn't have to. It's actually going to be really fun when she checks her blog in the morning to see how many comments she's received; and then she'll find this post. Ah, I'm so sweet. National Blog Month is taking its toll. I'm led to believe it's difficult to come up with something to blog EVERY day! Well, this is just one of the many services offered by Cazier Man. (That's me—I've taken to calling myself that occasionally as I am, and conceivably will be, the ONLY man in the [Utah] Cazier House.)

Anyhow, Friday night was Book of Mormon Part II. I had this “revelation” that we should do something over the top in our quorum to get the elders to do something more than they're currently doing. It's tough to go wrong with reading more Book of Mormon, so we elected to read it in a couple of all-nighters.

After one all-nighter, it became evident that we'd need three (not two) nights. We also determined that it's a whole lot faster to go with MP3s of the chapters than it is to have someone reading aloud. There are always mistakes in diction, re-reads, mis-prounciations of names, etc. All that just makes it generally much slower. Plus, we also found that Windows Media Player has a neat little feature on it that allows you to modify the speed of playback. You can choose to play things much slower than usual or up to 20 times faster than normal. We've found, through concerted experimentation, that the human mind can only assimilate information at about 1.8 times as fast as normal diction. 1.6 times normal speed offers fairly good comprehension and about 33 pages per hour. These are things I never thought I'd know.

1 And it came to pass that I did make my way to the church in the 18^th hour of the reign of the clock, at about 45 minutes past the hour. And there I did establish the means by which we would read and hear the words of God.

2 And I did prepare every needful thing insomuch that when others came to the place, which was called the church of the Vineyard Second Ward, which was so-called because it was established in the borders of the land called Vineyard, they were ready to hear the word of God.

3 And I did cause the MP3 player to play at 1.6 times the rate of normal speech. Therefore was I immersed in the scriptures, alone, for the space of more than an hour, before Randy Bohn, a steadfast and dedicated man, did show up to read scripture with me.

4 And it came to pass that because of the smallness of our number, we did foresake the Massiman Curry, which we had promised to those who promised they'd show up. Now we know not, but that they have taken up arms against us as the Lamanites of old, because they were not here to read with us.

5 Nevertheless Brother Randy and I did read for the space of an hour, and then others beheld our great enjoyment and spiritual growth and they too did join us in our endeavors, or rather that they did join us in reading about the endeavors of the prophets of old.

6 For behold, Brother Brian Macbean and Brother T.J. Moore did join us as the word had a more powerful effect upon their minds than the sword or any other things which I did use to beat upon them. And thus we did read into the night. And some did stay only for a time, and others did remain all the way through. Nevertheless, the time did pass away as it were unto us like a dream.

7 And blessed be the testimonies of they who did complete the reading for the night, for we did complete the Book of Alma this very night. And we have been enlightened by the words which were spoken by the prophets who have gone before, yea, my sons (of which I have none), I say we were greatly blessed and enlightened by the words of Aaron, Ammon, Captain Moroni, Helaman, Abinadi (for did begin our reading in Mosiah), Teancum, Amulek, and of course, Alma, insomuch that we were carried away even unto boasting in how awesome these prophets are. Yea, and they did not disappoint.

8 Yea, my brethren, who are my brethren in the Lord, let this night be written upon our hearts even as our testimonies are written upon our hearts and have thus brought unto us a fulfillment of our joy.

9 And thus I make an end. Amen.