A Night Out with Daddy in which He Tries to Kill my Children

I got a new calling. I am very excited about it, mainly because it involves people my own age and getting to be involved in spiritual discussions again. (You know, the kind that don't involve the sentence, Do you have to go to the bathroom?) So after two and a half years as the Nursery Coordinator, they have now switched me over to be the Relief Society Secretary. I am not even sure how Relief Society works anymore, but if it is at all what it used to be, I will quickly pick it up again. My main problem is spelling secretary. I always add an extra 'T' which makes it secretarty. (I guess that fits my personality better. I've always been a little tart. Wait, that doesn't sound right. Moving right along.)

Tonight I had some training which is boring in itself and not really what this post is about. See, this post is about Tyler trying to kill my children while I am away. He so generously offered to take the five snuggets off my hands, so I could actually hear what the Stake Relief Society Secretary had to say, and I assumed this meant that they would do some innocent/safe family activity. If only. The original plan was to go to the park, but what with the fabulous thunderstorms we have been having, plans had changed.

Instead, Tyler took them to the Bean Museum. I know it sounds harmless enough, but I have proof. In fact, Tyler took the pictures that I will be showing the judge when I sue for full custody. Let's start off with this little gem:




Tyler was downloading pictures when I spotted that picture on the computer. My first thought was, Oh how funny, they went to the gift shop and Tyler put that fake Tarantula on Pearl. Then as he flipped through the pictures, I saw that the position of the spider changed. And being that it was the Bean Museum and they have regular animal shows, it didn't take a genius to put two and two together.

I about screamed! This man who seems rational put a LIVE TARANTULA on my BABY! Granted, she was asleep, but that doesn't stop the thing from possibly eating her alive. There are so many things wrong about that picture.

Okay, I know Tarantula's are normally very docile creatures unless provoked. But come on. On my baby? I can understand these twits getting involved, although I thought I had taught them better than this.



How many times do I have to tell them NOT to touch spiders? Robyn and Ivory are even smiling. What is wrong with these children? Daisy was the only one who seems to have heard anything I said. (Which is rather ironic, since it is Daisy after all.) Dad says that she wouldn't touch it. (Good girl.) I don't think this face is related at all, but this is what my face would look like if someone asked me to hold that Tarantula.



I still shudder even thinking about it. I pride myself on smashing spiders that dare to come within five feet of my baby. I don't like doing it, but this mother has to protect her cubs. And then Tyler goes and puts a enormous spider inches away from her face. I don't know about Pearl, but I am scarred for life. Tyler is probably glad I stayed home, because you know I would have ruined all the fun had I been there.

And truthfully, I shouldn't make such a big deal about it, because the girls love to tease me and I had all these pretend spiders (their hands) walking up my back and arms when they got home. Joyous, I tell you.

Moral of the story: Do not allow your husband to take the children without supervision. I am going to have to make a waiver for him to sign before he leaves with the brood again.

It will read, I will not take my children into any situations that may be life threatening or deemed such by my wife (i.e. skydiving, freeway crossing, streaking, letting huge Tarantulas crawl on them, etc.) Wait, Daisy does the streaking thing weekly in the neighborhood. I guess I will have to revise it.


p.s. Check out how cool this snake is.



No, I am not a hypocrite. Snakes are cool. Spiders are not.

Oh, and this picture is just funny.



*No children were harmed in the making of this post. Wife is still debating what to do to husband.