A Little Extra Protein

If you are coming to visit my parents, there is something you must understand; you will also be visiting spiders. It is kind of a package deal. Even though I grew up constantly surrounded by them, I haven't gotten used to the feeling. It stills sends chills up my spine when I look up while I am showering and see a spider; or while I am sitting in a room and I see one race across the floor. Often they just sit in the creases between wall and ceiling, not going anywhere; but their permanent presence and imminent descent always leave me uneasy.

The other day, I was mentioning my continuing dislike of the arachnid species and Tyler said, "Oh, get used to it. Plus you have probably already swallowed two in your sleep by now." *Shudder* He was naturally referring to the myth that the average human swallows 4 spiders (or up to a pound of spiders) in their lifetime. (It really depends on which myth you are going with. They are all unfounded as one website says, but since I have visited the website, I now have many more stupid myths to worry about; like spiders drinking from your eyes while you sleep. Trust me, do not look these up.)

My father does not mind the spiders in the least. He calls them his little friends and he does not kill them unless they look 'weird.' I personally think 'weird' includes all spiders but in this instance I think he is implying the spiders that look more unfriendly. He claims that his house does not have more spiders than the average household. I wholeheartedly disagree. I walked around the other day and counted five and those were the ones that I could SEE. There is no telling how many have holed themselves up in the corners, or my pajamas, just waiting for their next hapless victim.

This is probably very disturbing for some of you to read. If so, I tell you that, first, you didn't have to grow up in this house; and second, what I am about to tell you will probably disturb you more, so stop reading if you are feint of heart...

Yesterday, my dad was after one of those unfriendly spiders. (Which makes me feel so much better that he is finding the unsavory variety while I am visiting.) He reached up to squish it, it being up on some wall, or on the ceiling. He missed his mark and dislodged the spider and it fell...


...INTO HIS MOUTH!! It was big enough that several of the legs were hanging out and he just sort of flicked it out. I am so glad this didn't happen to me. I would have been so startled, I probably would have swallowed involuntarily, and then my arachnophobia would reach irreparable damage. (Like I am so normal now.)

Isn't that one of the grossest things you have ever heard? I am creeping myself out just writing about it.

I recommended my parents get their house sprayed, but my dad is sure that the exterminators use toxic chemicals that harm people. I haven't Googled that yet, for fear I may find another myths website. But in the meantime, as for me and my house, we will skip the extra protein and deal with the fumigating anarchists.